


and i'll watch from the sidelines

by redrookie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bittersweet, College, First Love, Fluff, M/M, Marriage, Moving On, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:39:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24560941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redrookie/pseuds/redrookie
Summary: Kuroo is there for all three relationships. He's gotten used to the numbing constriction on his heart and throat, the cowardice that comes with being a bystander in Daichi's life. But the third is the one that causes the most pain.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Kudos: 71





	and i'll watch from the sidelines

Kuroo is there for all three relationships.

The first is with this nervous guy, Asahi, and it’s during the last year of high school. Somewhere in between the late night texts of Daichi reassuring him and the stolen kisses underneath the gym bleachers, he tells Kuroo _I want to break up with him_. Kuroo remembers almost asking _why_ because there’s nothing bad with Asahi – he’s just a little misguided and has a thousand and one thoughts racing in his mind. Instead, he settles for _what_ because he wants to hear him say the words again, remember the first taste of breakup that left Kuroo feeling just the slightest bit of happiness. He’s a horrible person.

His response leaves Kuroo unsatisfied though – _College._ It’s a simple word but it sets out his priorities, the future. Daichi and Asahi will separate and a long distance relationship isn’t good when they both hold other things more important than each other. Kuroo understands so he nods, tells him to do what he wants to do. Daichi breaks up with Asahi after school, in an abandoned classroom where they kissed more than they learned. They end it with a hug and after a long travel from Toyko, Kuroo’s there to take him to his favorite burger place.

High school ends with Daichi smiling with his friends and Asahi’s hand entwined with this little guy’s, Nishinoya. Kuroo remembers Daichi recounting the sight over some fries and a milkshake. _I’m glad he’s happy,_ he says with a smile and Kuroo hums his acknowledgement. He points a soggy fry at his friend and tells him they make an odd couple. _It’s true_ , Daichi agrees, _but Nishinoya’s good for him_. They leave the conversation at that.

His second relationship is, by far, the worst. But Kuroo always refutes it with the opposite, tells him that Oikawa was a great match for him. In the middle of college, where exams and work piled higher and higher, Daichi meets the utterly amazing, and life-changing Oikawa. He’s amazing because he’s a volleyball genius and he’s life-changing because he changed Daichi’s entire viewpoint on volleyball geniuses. Before Oikawa, he thought they couldn’t be obnoxious _and_ blasé but now he knows otherwise.

Kuroo’s kissed Oikawa a few times before their relationship – there wasn’t a single soul on their university’s volleyball team Oikawa _hadn’t_ kissed – but he says nothing about it to Daichi, who sneaks kisses with Oikawa during practice. He sees it – everyone on the team sees it, even Bokuto who’s oblivious to everything. His second relationship is when Daichi falls in love and it’s when Kuroo begins to understand love; begins to understand that he _is_ in love with his best friend.

They last about a year – _Even though it was bad, it was a great year, Kuroo –_ before Oikawa gets a transfer to another university. They tell each other they can make it work (at least, Daichi tells himself they can make it work) but Oikawa is powerless to first loves and Daichi sees this when he realizes Iwaizumi attends the same school too. Oikawa breaks up with him during the summer, where it’s too hot and sweaty to share a final hug. Daichi figures it was better that way because hugs with Oikawa, like everything else about him, are unforgettable.

Daichi doesn’t cry right after. His tears wait for two weeks to show and even then, they’re just a few. _Oh my god, are you crying,_ Kuroo asks.

_Shut up,_ Daichi silences him and Kuroo automatically hands him a tissue. It’s all he needs, Daichi doesn’t do waterworks much. 

The third relationship – the one that managed to triumph over all obstacles – is Kuroo’s least and most favorite. Daichi meets Sugawara Kouishi, a man with sugary smiles and vanilla kisses. They meet at a coffee shop with Daichi at his first office job and straight out of college. He tells Kuroo he’s met this _super kind and helping supervisor_ and Kuroo knows it’s already too late. Daichi has a weakness for kind people, who doesn’t?

They don’t _actually_ start dating until Daichi earns a promotion, making him now equal to Sugawara, not subordinates anymore. Kuroo meets him after several (aka _many_ ) dates and he decides that Sugawara is a good guy. He’s a perfect guy. There’s something charming about the mole underneath his eye and the natural curve of his smiles and – did he just give him a sympathetic look?

It’s a question that haunts Kuroo; their first meeting. Even after several years have passed and news of their engagement has reached him, it’s always the first thing Kuroo thinks about when he sees Sugawara.

“Hey.” Speak of the devil (though Sugawara has constantly proven to be the farthest thing from devilish).

Kuroo casts a glance at him. “Hi.” He’s sitting on a park bench; feet away from a picnic Bokuto and Akaashi had kindly suggested they do on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. It would be considered a double date if Kuroo’s lonely ass didn’t show up but he likes free food and the feeling of the sun washing down on him.

“Mind if I sit here?” Suga asks with a smile a thousand times sugary than Bokuto’s ridiculously sweet tea.

Kuroo stuffs his hands in his pockets and stretches his legs out. “Go ahead, it’s a public bench.” He knows he sounds rude and curt and he beats himself up the tiniest bit because you can’t be mean to Sugawara without feeling like the shittiest person but his mouth is faster than his thoughts.

But Suga takes it all with a chuckle and seats himself near Kuroo. They enjoy a silence that Kuroo would call comfortable if he didn’t know Sugawara wanted to say something. He can tell through his futile attempts at small talk.

(“What do you think about this weather?”

“I don’t know, it’s sunny?”)

Kuroo huffs because though he doesn’t know Sugawara that well, he has an eye for observation and notices the tiny fidgets of nervousness. “Did you want to talk to me about something?” he asks and Suga captures this deer caught in headlights expression. Kuroo almost laughs but he’s nice enough not to. From a distance, he hears Daichi’s throaty laugh and tries his hardest to ignore the squeezing in his heart.

“Ah, I just wanted to…how should I word this?” Sugawara twiddles with his thumbs and Kuroo raises an eyebrow. He looks like a five year old that just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar and he wants to laugh again but you can’t laugh _at_ Sugawara. You only laugh _with_ him unless you want to deal with the nights of guilt for mocking someone sweeter than cookies.

“Well,” Kuroo stands up from his seat, “when you find out what you need to say, you know where to find me.” It’d be a lie to say he was running away from the situation but Kuroo has the distinct feeling he knows what Sugawara is about to say. He’s known since their first meeting and he can’t believe it’s taken him almost three years to bring it up. He can certainly not believe Sugawara is about to bring it up when there are happy kids playing only a few feet away from them and they’ll have to hear Kuroo’s shouts of frustration.

“Wait, Kuroo.”

He turns around, “hm?”

Sugawara takes a deep breath and says quietly enough, “I hear you’re Daichi’s best man.”

“I am,” Kuroo says slowly, almost cautiously.

“I just want to thank you,” _What?_ “for always being there for him, y’know? I heard you’re best friends and everything you’ve done for him, everything he’s been through and just…thank you. I hope to get your blessing before we marry.” Suga bows his head down respectfully and Kuroo just stands there in shock.

He stands there because after years of watching them together at Kuroo’s expense of lonely Friday nights and rescheduled Sunday game nights with Daichi, he finally has a say. And he _knows_ he’s not entitled to one, he knows Sugawara’s generosity extends so far and it really shouldn’t in a dog eat dog world but Kuroo finally can say something. He feels overwhelmed at the surge of thoughts. He feels horrible at his thoughts of jealousy, exhaustion, _entitlement._ He feels inferior compared to Suga and he _is_.

Sugawara’s never ending optimism and kindness is why Daichi loves him. And in this moment, Kuroo sees it.

“Gee, Sugawara, what is this: the 1800s? You don’t need a blessing, least of all from me, but if it’d make you feel better, then I bless your marriage or whatever.”

Kuroo understands it’s also Sugawara’s blinding smile that did Daichi in.

\---

Again, Kuroo is there for Daichi when he’s nervous or anxious or mulling over second thoughts, this time it’s in the dressing room only twenty minutes before their ceremony. Kuroo watches with a teasing smirk he’s learned to perfect over the twenty-six years of his life. Daichi’s pacing the room while taking deep breaths and Bokuto watches impatiently.

“I’m getting married today,” Daichi says. “I’m actually getting married today.”

“Yeah, you are,” Kuroo says. It hurts just a bit.

Bokuto groans loudly, obnoxiously. Kuroo’s glad he’s there to ease the (one-sided) tension. “Just go out there and take the bull by the horns! The sooner you do it, the quicker it’ll be over with right?”

Kuroo snickers and Daichi groans, “I don’t _want_ it to go by quickly. I’m getting married. I want this moment to last.” He stops in front of the mirror for the tenth time today and dusts off his tuxedo with a sweep of his hands.

Bokuto stands up from his seat with a grumble. “I’m going to find Akaashi,” he says and he’s out the door. Kuroo almost curses because the tension has definitely seeped, at least for him, and he feels compelled to look at anywhere but Daichi. His plan fails when Daichi asks him to help with his tie because at twenty-six, Daichi Sawamura has trouble tying ties.

Not only is Kuroo close to Daichi that he can smell his cologne (it’s a nice refreshing scent), but he finds himself staring so intently at the black fabric and accidentally flickering his eyes up at him. When they make eye contact, Daichi smiles, “I’m beyond nervous.”

Kuroo chuckles and straightens the tie out. “You’ll do great, don’t worry.”

“I hope so,” Daichi breathes out and takes a step back (because Kuroo has somehow forgotten to do so himself). “Thanks for always being there for me. You’re a great friend.”

Kuroo smiles despite everything. “Sure.”

Daichi and Suga’s ceremony is a grand occasion. The reception is even grander. There are vases of white flowers, lighter than Sugawara’s hair, and gold beige plates that match Daichi’s sun kissed skin on the tables. Kuroo stays far away from the tables and finds solace at the fancy bar. There’s a sophisticated looking bartender that asks him what he wants (he says champagne) and an unapproachable tall blond man a couple seats away from him.

Kuroo, a social butterfly, greets him. “Hi.”

He gets: “What?”

“I’m just making conversation,” Kuroo shrugs. The bartender finishes his drink and Kuroo thanks him. “It’s a happy occasion, y’know. No need to be a Debby Downer.”

The man near him snorts and pushes his glasses up. His hands cup around a cool glass of water. “Sure. You don’t look all too happy either.” And Kuroo laughs because he sure isn’t happy but he’s trying to be happy and at the same time, he’s so sick of all this cognitive dissonance. He’s a terrible person who is in love with his married best friend and just gave a fake and crappy speech about how blessed they are but now can’t even look at them in the eyes. Hell, Daichi even invited Oikawa and can smile and laugh with him just the same, only now he’s moved on and found love. Kuroo envies that.

“You’re right,” he muses after a few seconds of self-pity. “I’m not happy. My best friend just got married without me, isn’t that sad? Now why aren’t you happy?”

The blonde guy just huffs. “All these plates have meat.”

Kuroo blinks before bursting into laughter. “You’re vegetarian? That’s why you’re so upset?” The guy shoots a glare at him and Kuroo stifles his laughter. “Sorry, but damn. That is pretty sad. I’m Kuroo Tetsurou. And you?”

The guy stares at Kuroo’s outstretched with suspicion before finally conceding. “Tsukishima Kei.”

They shake hands and Kuroo says, “So, Tsukishima Kei, what do you say we go out and eat some proper vegetarian food?” He almost cringes at the look the blond gives him.

“Wouldn’t your best friend be upset that you left? I mean, it is his wedding,” Tsukishima takes a sip of his water and Kuroo copies him with his champagne. He tosses a glance over his shoulder and sees Daichi and Sugawara slow dancing. They’re beautiful together. Kuroo looks away.

“Nah, I think he’ll be fine. So how about it?” he asks.

Tsukishima mulls it over and looks at the rest of the reception as well. He must have seen what Kuroo sees because when he looks back, there’s annoyance replaced with silent understanding. Kuroo likes to think that Tsukishima is a perceptive guy, because his taunting face is replaced with a soft and subtle smile.

“Alright.”


End file.
